Nightmare
by Speedi
Summary: Somalia-ish. Ziva has a nightmare and unconsciously reaches out for reassurance.


A/N - My first NCIS fanfic, well technically not my first, but my first completed one. I'm not sure if I like it, but I had recommendation to post it, so if you don't like it, please say. :)

Disclaimer: I (sadly) own nothing, if I did, Tony and Ziva would be having wild sex and we'd be seeing more of Cote in a bikini ;)

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><p>Sweat. Your body was slick with moisture.<p>

The heat. It was always the heat, so unbearable, it engulfed you, swallowed you whole. The heat in which you could never escape. Thirst. The heat, it gave you an unbearable thirst that even if you had water you could not quench. It burned your throat. Left it dry, scorched from each heated intake of breath. It pained you just to think of water, the parched burn would flare out of control. The heat, the pain, the thirst, it never let up, yet you would not give in.

Flinch. Your leg jerks to the side.

His face, you were convinced he was the face of evil. His eyes, they mocked you as you suffered. He knew your pain, and he basked in it. He enjoyed each painful breath, each whimper that you accidentally let slip. His eyes smiled as he pulled your binds tighter, forcing your body to become more contorted. You hated him, hated him with every bone you had for enjoying this. Yet you wouldn't give in.

Toss. You fling yourself to the other side of the bed.

It was invisible, no one else could see it, but for you it was blindingly obvious. You wouldn't be the same. You feared contact, each time he touched you, you inadvertently jerked away. But you were tied, you could not move, you couldn't stop him. He could take what he wanted and there was not a thing you could do. Yet no matter how many times he forced himself upon you, you would not give in.

Whimper. The frightened noise escapes your mouth.

Hope, you'd given up hope. Your father was not coming to save you, of that you were sure. Your family, your real one, they were not coming to get you. Gibbs, your second father, you had betrayed him, he'd lost another daughter, he would not save you. Abby, like a sister to you, she would be hurt, you'd left, never said goodbye, she's be too angry to help. McGee, you realised how much of a friend he was, he was so innocent, but you left him with no explanation, he'd be hurt too, he wouldn't want to save you.

Tear. A single tear rolls down your cheek.

Tony. Maybe the person you'd hurt the most, perhaps the person that made it hurt the most. "You jeopardised your entire career and for what?" "For you." it rung like a bell in your head, he was so clearly there, and you abandoned him. You wanted him to be hurt, as awful as that sounded, because only if he was hurt, would you mean anything. But he wasn't. He did not care.

Scream. The final straw that wakes you.

Nightmares, every night, it had become a routine, you would not sleep through a night. It terrified you, but you would never tell anyone that. You were not a victim! Each night the memories came flooding back, but in your dreams, no one came to save you. Gibbs wasn't on that hill, Tony and McGee weren't there. Tonight though, the dream was worse, even now your chest was still heaving.

This time you realised the pain you'd put everyone through, that you'd betrayed them. Worst of all though, you realised you'd hurt the one person you never wanted to. Tony. Once again, it came back to Tony, and you hated it, hated that your thoughts always seemed to go back to him. Even in your nightmares, the worst pain was when you realised Tony didn't care. He shouldn't care, not after what you'd done, to him, the team, the people you called your family.

The phone in your hand went unrecognised, the number you dialled so trained into your head, it did not click that you were dialling it. The ringing tone was a mere noise in the distance. Only when a sleepy voice appeared at the other end did you realise what you were doing.

"We got a case?"

You didn't know what to say. No, there was no case, no reason for you to be calling at 3am. You shouldn't be calling. Why were you?

"Ziva?"

His voice echoed down the phone. Did you hear concern in his voice? Or were you hearing what you wanted?

"I am sorry Tony, I should not have called."

With that you put the phone down, stare at it in your hand, why had you called? Why was it so natural to call him when you needed help? The answer was there, but you weren't going to accept it. It's because he has your six, you tell yourself. On the job. On the job - off the job, amazing how one word makes something worlds apart.

The doorbell rings, and your hand is on your gun without even thinking. The phone still in your hand drops to the floor. No one rings the bell at 3:30am. You make your way to the door, still clad in your pyjamas. Your gun held poised and ready, you take a nervous glance through the peep hole. You don't know whether to be relieved or more frightened, because on the other side of your front door, is Tony; face so close to the door it looks contorted. Always the clown, even in the early hours of the morning. You open the door and let him in.

"Why are you here?" you ask, unconsciously repeating yourself

He looks at you, clearly it is not just you who remembers the significance of your question. He members too, that moment when you first asked that, remembers when you asked again, and only truth could leave his mouth.

"I was in the area, out in a bar. Do you know how many dates I'm passing up on?"

"Tony.." you warn, you are not in the mood

"How do you know I wasn't at a bar near here?"

"You were asleep when I phoned you." you answer reluctantly

"Oh that's right, because you called me at 3am." you could not tell whether he was angry

"I am sorry."

"Sorry Ziva? You don't phone me at 3am and say you 'shouldn't have called!"

"I am sorry!" you repeat, nearly shout. What were you supposed to say?

"You scared the hell outta me Ziva! It's no like you."

For a moment you almost tell him everything: the nightmares, how sorry you are, that Team Gibbs is your real family. But you don't. You can't.

"Like I said, I should not have called."

"No Ziva, at 3am you call for a reason, even if you decide to hang up and let me worry what happened, something made you call."

"It does not matter now."

He was getting to you, and that was the problem, you were too loose lipped around him.

"I don't care if it 'does not matter'. Why did you call?"

Finally you broke, he turned up at your doorstep after you call at 3am, you do not even ask him to come, but he's here. He has always been there.

"I could not sleep, I had to apologise."

"Apologise for what Ziva?" he did not question why you felt the need to apologise at the crack of dawn.

"For abandoning you, for abandoning Gibbs. For betraying you all. For breaking your trust."

You did not see him cross the hall, did not notice until his arms were around you. You're not sure he noticed either, you could feel his surprise in himself, you were even more surprised, but you would not complain. You would blame it on lack of sleep, on the early hour, but you would never admit maybe you need the comfort, wanted it.

"It's over Ziva."

He seemed to notice the connotations. You had not thought of this out of the blue, your mind still lingered in that place.

"I am not sure it will ever be over."

"The nightmares stop eventually."

You need not say a word, and he knows. You had never said a word about the nightmares, but he knows. He always knows.

"You need to sleep."

"Ha!" you laugh humourlessly

You're not going to sleep again now, you never do, the thoughts will still haunt you. Sleep is always fruitless.

Apparently though he does not share your scepticism, does not see that you will not sleep because he's leading you to your bedroom. You realise you should freak out, you should not be comfortable with a man leading you to bed, but it's Tony, you trust him, and it's not in the least bit sexual.

You let him pull back the disarray of covers, and you take his invitation to climb in. You lie down, and are not the least bit surprised when he follows, fully clad in what must have been the first thing he saw because it did not match. He pulls you against him again, and your head falls to his chest. You can hear his heart beat through his jumper, a steady rhythm. Slowly you begin to fall asleep. You realise that perhaps sleep is not fruitless.

Maybe off the job is not so many worlds away after all.

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><p>Like? No like? I mat write a more fluffyromancey sequel (Yes I know romancey is not a word :P)


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